I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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