We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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