Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
