U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
