I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
