I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
