one two three fourrrrnication!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
