Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
