you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
