To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There's always time for handjobs
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
