Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
