Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
