Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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