You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
