If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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