he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
