Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
