Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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