that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
