what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
