i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i think my tv is drunk
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
