Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
