Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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