Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
