I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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