I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
