Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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