My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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