Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I am available for nakedness
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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