Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
