I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
