my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
