The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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