Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
