So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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