Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
