Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
