Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
