so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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