fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
