The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
