Ketchup is God's man juice
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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