Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
