It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
