I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
