You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
