theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
