Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
