I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Girls should come with a carfax report
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
