I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
