We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
