my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
