dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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