At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
