Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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